…Part 3 “if you ask me baby, I’ll get on my knees and pray boy”

 

Following on from my post – …You Don’t Love Me Part 2 “I’ll do anything you say boy”, This is the Last Instalment of comparisons to the song by Dawn Penn.

 

*NB: The below comparison is based on the premise that one person in the relationship has done something wrong whilst the other person has been ‘good’ to them.

 

couple-praying

3) “Cause if you ask me baby, I’ll get on my needs and pray boy”

Well they say that “a couple that prays together stays together “. In life I find that it’s at the end of the situation; when things are dire that people then decide to ‘get on their knees’ or resort to finding a solution.

Shouldn’t the aim be to put in the work together and pray together?

I’m a firm believer that people should start as they mean to go on, if praying together is important to you, implement this from the start of your relationship.

The key to maintaining a relationship, is to always talk about your thoughts and feelings, your expectations, ambitions, hopes and dreams. Neither sexes are mind readers, communicate to the other person what ‘Love’ looks like to you, talk about how you hope to continue showing and receiving this type of ‘Love’. Don’t leave things to chance.

If you enter into a new relationship and you’re doing all the work to make it work, then take a hint & ask questions before it’s too late. If you find you’re in a relationship and things seem to have changed, talk to the other person about your concerns, get your thoughts & feelings out there.

Better to know where you stand now, than to waste the next 5 years of your life?

“The truth is REAL LOVE looks like WORK” – @MrVitoSpeaks

Don’t allow yourself to get used to such bad habits.

xoxo

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Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

 

…You Don’t Love Me Part 2 “I’ll do anything you say boy”

Following on from my post – ‘No no no You Don’t Love Me’, we continue to compare the song by Dawn Penn to real life.

*NB: The below comparison is based on the premise that one person in the relationship has done something wrong whilst the other person has been ‘good’ to them.

Manipulation.

2) “I’ll do anything you say boy” (Some lyric sites say – “I’ll do anything to stay boy”)

OK, so I don’t know what the “boy” has done to get her to the realisation that he doesn’t love her any more (he could have cheated or he could have just told her that he doesn’t love her? – The possibilities are endless).

In my opinion, if I now realise that someone doesn’t love me any more despite my efforts, love & time. I don’t really want to stick around. I also wouldn’t really want to do “anything you say”, why should I?… You don’t love me any more!

If as a result of my inappropriate behaviour, actions, disrespect, constant name calling, foul mouth, inappropriate dress, poor attitude etc someone stopped loving me, then I’d understand. As they have reached a tether, the patience has worn out and the ‘love is gone’, so it would make more sense in such situation, if I were to say “I’ll do anything you say”.

However I still don’t condone it, because change starts from within & if some one really wanted to change they would have. You can’t make someone else change.

My husband always says “Don’t reward bad behaviour with Dedication”

And its True.

They say that there are tell-tale signs when a relationship is over. Some signs may have been there from the start, but if due to ‘Rose Tinted Glasses’ or being on ‘Cloud 9’, you didn’t see them (aka tell-tale signs); they can look something like this:

  • A decrease in or non-existent communication
  • A decrease in or no time spent together
  • Lack of interest in the other person, decrease in closeness
  • Continuous arguments with no aim for a solution
  • No commitment made to current or future plans together
  • Unfaithfulness; emotionally, physically, getting intimate with other girls/guys
  • Being left out of their plans.. “We becomes I”
  • Increase in Disrespect displayed
  • Only time spent together is to be intimate or there is no intimacy

In many situations I’ve seen people giving all their might to make an unhealthy relationship work, when they should be working on leaving. Yet the reality is that there are several reasons why some don’t (immediately) leave an unhealthy relationship, including (not limited to):

  • Low self-esteem & low confidence
  • Love; believing the other person may change
  • Thinking you’ll never meet any one better
  • Fear
  • Pressure; Peers, Family, Children
  • Dependency on that person for; money, shelter, etc
  • Experience; being only exposed to this type of relationship, this is all you know
  • Up-bringing, it’s how you saw relationships modelled in your family
  • Seeing this as normality

Whatever situation you currently find yourself in, make sure you are genuinely happy, are there by choice and are being treated well!

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments.

For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

Our First Fight

first fight in relationship

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months since a few days ago and we recently had our first relationship fight. It was concerning how every time we made plans together, it would never happen due to something always happening the day of or day before concerning him. The last time we saw each other has been a week ago, where we were supposed to have plans but he had to go home because he pulled an all nighter in addition to being sick. That made me angry and so I brought it up over text the next day wanting to talk about it. He ignored me that day, and then waited until the day after to reply back. Yes, yes, texting isn’t the best way to solving problems, but I couldn’t meet up with him as you know the fight is also about not being able to meet up with him when planned. After our fight, we resolved much of what we argued about. We told each other how we felt, and in the end how we would improve and such. I thought it wasn’t too bad of a conclusion. The day after, he was a bit cold, for example, instead of saying the usual “Morning Babe <3” it turned to a “Morning!” I know I shouldn’t expect things to smooth out so quickly and understood there was still some tension and awkwardness between us, so I let it go for a day. The next day turned out to be the same, and here I am today, 3 days later, and him still acting the same way. A bit cold, and a feeling of distance. I feel like I’m the one trying hard to keep being sweet and loving to him and keeping the convo going as well as I can, while he just answers and that’s all. He hasn’t even asked me how my day was the past days, or what I’ve done. Considering not having been able to see him for a week, should I ask him to hang out? I feel that hanging out again finally would help us move on and get back on the right road, a better one than now, but then again I feel that I should instead wait for him to ask me to hangout instead because I’ve asked him out many times, where he hasn’t actually been able to show up. I actually do want to see him as I miss not spending time with him. I wonder if he feels the same. Should I wait for him to ask me? Will this tension go away soon, as he might need more time to cool down? Or am I just being a total worry wart and just relax. How should I handle this coldness; approach him about it, or stop and ignore it?

The first thing that stands out to me is the lack of time or priority for spending time together; which seems to be more on his part.

In a relationship a basic need that’s required is Spending Quality Time together. If you are the only one that values this then may be you should consider finding someone else. It’s normal to want to spend time with him, its normal that you miss him but does he miss you?

Secondly texting really isn’t the best method of communicating. Texting leaves room for assuming, ignoring the other person, mis-interpreting key thoughts and feelings. My advice is that you get into the culture of calling each other, regardless of how you feel or what happened. This way you get a better idea of the persons tone, they then have the opportunity to explain properly.

However, from what you’re saying I see that there is;

1) No Integrity (i.e says he wants to meet up, but something else always gets in the way)

2) No Communication (there is now room for mis-understandings & assumptions)

3) No Clarity (you are having to second guess what’s going on & worry, when it could be resolved with him being honest with you)

His responses are clearly a sign that he isn’t happy with something or that he is not interested; if he is going to hold a grudge and not forgive, you’ll find yourself grovelling to him regularly. It isn’t fair for you to respond positively, showing that you’ve gotten over it yet he wants to act ‘cold’ towards someone he has claimed to care for.

You asked if you are being a ‘”worry wart”, I believe you are but that’s because he has given you reason to worry. I always say that…

“It’s not wrong for a Woman to want to feel Secure in a relationship. Your Man should make you feel Secure by Communicating his wants & needs, telling you how he feels about you, doing what he says & spending time with you. Most times a Woman acts ‘Needy’ because the Guy doesn’t Communicate with her, insists on going places with out her, keeps secrets and acts shady” – @LolasWord

You need to place a value on yourself. See yourself as an asset that he is lucky to have in his life. You need to ask yourself are you happy being treated this way? Is this how you treat people? Because that should be your measure, if you know that you want to be treated the same way you treat others then seek to find someone who has the same beliefs and values.

If he was concerned about you or cared for you, he would prioritise you, when men want something they pursue it, they go after it. So let him pursue you & go after you. Stop being so available for someone who clearly isn’t interested. Wait and let him make the first move to repair this & instigate if he wants to hang out with you. It’ll help you know whether he is actually committed to you or if this was all just a convenient relationship.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword