Relationship Short Notes :- Love Is WORK

Mr Vito Speaks

Here’s the thing…
Why do us men always expect a ready made woman? If she’s ready made you will have no chance of teaching her. Shouldn’t we be seeking knowledge to bring the best out of our women? Most men only know how to use and abandon the women they CLAIM to love. We love her the way she is but we are not prepared to stick it out and see what she will become… I know women who have gone on to be amazing without the man that trashed them initially but it really shouldn’t be that way. Men who abandon the woman they started a fire and a vision with leave good women with scars and fatherless children. These types of men think like children..they consider women to be disposable toys that they have outgrown. Every man needs to put away childish things but honestly speaking it should…

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Our First Fight

first fight in relationship

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months since a few days ago and we recently had our first relationship fight. It was concerning how every time we made plans together, it would never happen due to something always happening the day of or day before concerning him. The last time we saw each other has been a week ago, where we were supposed to have plans but he had to go home because he pulled an all nighter in addition to being sick. That made me angry and so I brought it up over text the next day wanting to talk about it. He ignored me that day, and then waited until the day after to reply back. Yes, yes, texting isn’t the best way to solving problems, but I couldn’t meet up with him as you know the fight is also about not being able to meet up with him when planned. After our fight, we resolved much of what we argued about. We told each other how we felt, and in the end how we would improve and such. I thought it wasn’t too bad of a conclusion. The day after, he was a bit cold, for example, instead of saying the usual “Morning Babe <3” it turned to a “Morning!” I know I shouldn’t expect things to smooth out so quickly and understood there was still some tension and awkwardness between us, so I let it go for a day. The next day turned out to be the same, and here I am today, 3 days later, and him still acting the same way. A bit cold, and a feeling of distance. I feel like I’m the one trying hard to keep being sweet and loving to him and keeping the convo going as well as I can, while he just answers and that’s all. He hasn’t even asked me how my day was the past days, or what I’ve done. Considering not having been able to see him for a week, should I ask him to hang out? I feel that hanging out again finally would help us move on and get back on the right road, a better one than now, but then again I feel that I should instead wait for him to ask me to hangout instead because I’ve asked him out many times, where he hasn’t actually been able to show up. I actually do want to see him as I miss not spending time with him. I wonder if he feels the same. Should I wait for him to ask me? Will this tension go away soon, as he might need more time to cool down? Or am I just being a total worry wart and just relax. How should I handle this coldness; approach him about it, or stop and ignore it?

The first thing that stands out to me is the lack of time or priority for spending time together; which seems to be more on his part.

In a relationship a basic need that’s required is Spending Quality Time together. If you are the only one that values this then may be you should consider finding someone else. It’s normal to want to spend time with him, its normal that you miss him but does he miss you?

Secondly texting really isn’t the best method of communicating. Texting leaves room for assuming, ignoring the other person, mis-interpreting key thoughts and feelings. My advice is that you get into the culture of calling each other, regardless of how you feel or what happened. This way you get a better idea of the persons tone, they then have the opportunity to explain properly.

However, from what you’re saying I see that there is;

1) No Integrity (i.e says he wants to meet up, but something else always gets in the way)

2) No Communication (there is now room for mis-understandings & assumptions)

3) No Clarity (you are having to second guess what’s going on & worry, when it could be resolved with him being honest with you)

His responses are clearly a sign that he isn’t happy with something or that he is not interested; if he is going to hold a grudge and not forgive, you’ll find yourself grovelling to him regularly. It isn’t fair for you to respond positively, showing that you’ve gotten over it yet he wants to act ‘cold’ towards someone he has claimed to care for.

You asked if you are being a ‘”worry wart”, I believe you are but that’s because he has given you reason to worry. I always say that…

“It’s not wrong for a Woman to want to feel Secure in a relationship. Your Man should make you feel Secure by Communicating his wants & needs, telling you how he feels about you, doing what he says & spending time with you. Most times a Woman acts ‘Needy’ because the Guy doesn’t Communicate with her, insists on going places with out her, keeps secrets and acts shady” – @LolasWord

You need to place a value on yourself. See yourself as an asset that he is lucky to have in his life. You need to ask yourself are you happy being treated this way? Is this how you treat people? Because that should be your measure, if you know that you want to be treated the same way you treat others then seek to find someone who has the same beliefs and values.

If he was concerned about you or cared for you, he would prioritise you, when men want something they pursue it, they go after it. So let him pursue you & go after you. Stop being so available for someone who clearly isn’t interested. Wait and let him make the first move to repair this & instigate if he wants to hang out with you. It’ll help you know whether he is actually committed to you or if this was all just a convenient relationship.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

Dear Sisters,

I hope my message finds you well.

I write with urgency because I care, this is written out of Truth with Love.

I’ve observed you and It’s important that we address a few things; i.e. your behaviour, attitude and conduct, frankly I’m worried about you.

Remember when we used to sit and talk about how our future would be? Remember when we would look at rowdy, foul-mouthed girls and squirm in disapproval, not because we were judging, but because we knew that it wasn’t the life we wanted. Remember when we would be approached by boys yet we were genuinely not interested, because we didn’t want to end up with diseases, broken hearts or farther-less children?

What happened?……You’ve changed.

This isn’t how things were supposed to plan out. You are better than this and I need you to believe that. This way of life is not satisfying, neither will it lead to happiness.

Things need to change for the better and I want to help. I hope you will be able to see that, a true friend will risk everything to try to help you, be honest with you and speak the Truth to you, regardless of the consequences, you just need to be strong enough to look past the immediate discomfort and see the Love.

I want you to see yourself as a Precious, Expensive Diamond. Diamonds are beautiful and highly sought after, they should be protected, kept safe and are very expensive. So why do you act like coal?

I want you to know that as a Woman, your sole purpose was not to lie on your back, produce babies, please others or be used. I want you to know that I’m not denying that you need to be Loved, but you insist on demanding Respect.

My Husband always says “Women Need Love and Men Need Respect”

I want you to know that society nor the media make things easy for us, we have to work harder at times, but nothing in life comes easy.

So Stop what you’re doing, take a step back and Look at your Life. Are you truly happy with how things have turned out? Do you want to see a change?

Because I Know you deserve so much more, but it starts with You!

Firstly you need to be realistic with yourself and start thinking of all the things you used to enjoy that were killing your body, hopes and dreams. Then forgive yourself for your mistakes, circumstances and the experiences you put yourself through. Because lets face it, we can’t continue to blame everyone else for some of the things we got caught up in. Obviously there are some exceptions i.e abuse, but healing comes from dealing with and not denying things.

Secondly, You need to value yourself, even if no one else does right now. Once you start placing a value on yourself & start to see yourself as an Expensive, Beautiful Diamond you will act differently. Just think about how Expensive Jewellery Shops treat Diamonds… Most times they have security within the shop, not any one can come into the shop and touch up what they like, you need permission to be assisted to look at & handle a Diamond.

Think of yourself in the same way, stop allowing any Tom, Dick or Harry into your Shop, Stop allowing any Tom, Dick or Harry to mis-handle your Diamond, Stop loaning out your Diamond and Stop giving out the password to your Diamond. Value, Worth, Price.. You need to start believing that you are worth more, that you can do something with your life, that you have great skills, talents and abilities that any one would be proud to have you in their life, because you contribute so much more.

Today I want you to start listing all of your Character Traits (ask others what they think of you), then list them into Positive & Negative Attributes. Then focus on all the Positive ones, as those are the ones you want people to notice & those are the ones that will help change your perspective on things. You deserve the best, but you also need to be the best!

You may need to change your group of friends… they say “birds of a feather flock together”, so what good is this New You, this Changed Perspective, if you are always being tempted by the Old way of life? If your fiends laugh at your change, don’t take you seriously & don’t try to encourage it? – You will get no where fast!

With these Steps (which may need to be reinforced several times, as nothing happens over night), you will notice a change in Attitude, you will feel different, speak differently, even your taste in Men will change, you won’t find the same ol’ ‘Dawgs’ attractive. With this change comes a new appreciation for yourself.

Hold yourself accountable for your own expectations @Lolasword

I’m always here to help and would like for you to keep me posted on your growth, so feel free to contact me.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword