Did She Find Someone Else?

Dear Mrs Vito,

I fell in love with my close female friend of many years. We decided to maintain a long distant relationship, when we went to different Universities in different countries. However now that I’ve graduated and shes still studying, contact is non existent. If we do communicate, mainly initiated by me, she shuts me out, i feel like shes now interested in someone else. 

 

Found Someone Else

Dear Anon,

For a couple that was in love, having non existent communication is a red flag of concern. Usually we find that our instincts are right.

Long distance relationships always need more effort in quality time, communication & care expressed. Unfortunately, distance wasn’t the only factor working against your relationship. University and the exploring of new experiences, activities, friends as well as studies, always effects relationships (positively & negatively). Its one thing to try and stay focused on your degree, but add an active social life and now we’ve got to make sacrifices.

Ideally, the love /care/concern that she is supposed to have for you, should reflect in her actions. A simple text/ quick call to check in on friends, family, people you care about is not that difficult & is easy to do, if that person wants to.

You’ve been doing the right thing, at least you have tried to keep in contact and made yourself available for communication, unfortunately you can not force someone else to do the same.

You may have to accept that she may have found someone else or is no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Either way, it would be unfair to ask or expect you to put your plans on hold for no guarantees. Be careful to not chase someone that doesn’t want to be chased, nor prioritises you in the same way.

Mrs Vito

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I Think He Is Ghosting Me?…

Dear Mrs Vito,

I work in the City and was bumping into a guy during my commutes, slowly our smiles turned into “Hellos” and
our “Hellos” turned into conversation, exchange in numbers and meet ups for drinks etc.

We get on so well, and I’ve been enjoying getting to know him.
But there are times when contact has been non existent. The 1st time it started to happen, it was only a few days with out contact, which I felt was normal, as we live busy lives. Then it was weeks with out contact and finally months.boyfriend is never around
When i’ve asked, he just says he has been busy, or he had to travel for work etc, but if he likes me why cant he just keep me posted? 

Dear Anon,

My general rule of thumb is that if someone is “ghosting” on you, they are not worth your time!

I believe that when he is around, he probably does like spending time with you. However that “Like” hasn’t caused him to respect your time, effort, or availability enough.

The act of “ghosting” on a person indicates that they are not that interested. What he is successfully doing is creating more confusion, by disappearing and then randomly appearing with no real justification; “busy” isn’t good enough, we are all busy, but you chose to make time. This behaviour is also quite controlling, because you are always waiting on him, there’s no equal footing in this dating-relationship.

Your over availability allows for him to come in and out of your life. He knows you are interested in him, because you are willing to entertain him even after his disappearing act. Set boundaries to safe guard your heart before you are too vested. You deserve more than the minimum he is offering, he should at least be trying to match your efforts with more consideration, quality time, care, respect, communication, trust, appreciation and friendship.

No one is saying that you can’t travel for work or personal reasons, but it is common courtesy to communicate your whereabouts with those that you love and care for. A basic act of respect by sending an e-mail, making a call or sending a text to state that you are out of town etc, is not too much to ask from anyone. But when someone thinks that they don’t have to, they won’t.

His “ghosting” sounds like its a habit, he may not be like this with everyone, but from what he is showing you, its unacceptable.
It wouldn’t be wise for you to accept such behaviour from him, because in the long run he could easily leave for longer and not think he needs to tell you where he is going or when he’ll be back. What you accept now, you will have to live with and will ultimately pay for later.

Mrs Vito

Start As You Mean To Go On

Even though January is almost over, we can still set the tone for your life this year (and hopefully the years to come).

blank list of resolutions on blackboard

However, this isn’t another New Years Resolution!.. Ooooh No… This is more like a commitment to Personal Development.

(Most) People have good intentions, vowing to become better by drawing up a list of activities to resolve i.e;

– I will quit smoking
– I will join a gym
– I will become a vegetarian
– I will quit my boring job
– I will pray more
– I will pay off my credit cards/debts

It all reminds me of those ‘quick fix’ diets… I have this image of someone scrambling around to list all the things they need to change, preferably really quickly, yet never really getting round to doing them or keeping to them… Or is that just my imagination?

Quick Fix:
~ A hastily contrived remedy that alleviates a problem only for the time being
~ An expedient temporary solution, esp. one that merely postpones coping with an overall problem. (thefreedictionary.com)

For example, those that aim to lose weight fast, might start dieting and give themselves a target to reach i.e in 2 weeks for a sunny holiday. Sometimes they reach the target, go on holiday, are extremely happy and upon returning the diets out the window, they resort to how things used to be.

So the diet ends up being a temporary vice. This might be a silly question, but I pose that instead of ‘quick fix dieting’ shouldn’t we just alter our eating habits, lifestyle, the way we view food, what we buy and increase our knowledge on what’s in the meal??

Wouldn’t this have a lasting effect on steady, healthy weight loss, which can be maintained for life?

Well, the same applies to you becoming a better person in regards to Self Improvement and Personal Development.

‘Start as you mean to go on’ is me basically daring you to do things differently this time round. Instead of ‘New Years Resolutions’ aim to Live a Purposeful Life of Personal Development.

4598018-you-body-mind-soul-spirit--personal-growth-or-development-concept-sketched-with-white-chalk-and-stic

Get organised and prepared by following the below Steps to help kick-start your Journey:

  1. Take time out to really assess what personal skills you need to develop, improve on, change  or issues you need to resolve.
  2. Look for Seminars, Events, Courses that you can attend to help re-educate yourself about the area/issue.
  3. Buy a book or two around that subject, area or issue. As learning is a lifelong process.
  4. Sign yourself up for Counselling to help deal with unresolved issues that will and can affect your future self.
  5. Look for a Mentor to help encourage your new skill, or help you on your journey.
  6. Make sure the friends you keep are there to help, encourage and keep you accountable on your personal development.
  7. Buy a notebook, I’m sure you’ll need to write something down.
  8. Let me know how you get on and /or contact me for any advice/support.

(Feel free to check out my ‘Mentoring Services’ Page)

xoxo

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For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword