Enslaved to Daydreaming

Dear Mrs Vito,

What would you say to someone who feels enslaved to daydreaming and a desire to be in a relationship?

Daydreaming about Relationships

 

Dear Anon,

Daydreaming is a tool used by people to take themselves away from the “here & now”. When daydreaming  you tend to dream of ‘better days’ or desired/intended adventures and the like. Day dreams are usually fantasies, ideals and such, about your life and future. They can at times be unrealistic, which is why I believe you have to be very careful, especially if you feel enslaved by them.

Daydream – A series of pleasant thoughts that distract one’s attention from the present.

 ‘she was lost in a daydream’ – oxforddictionaries.com

When it comes to relationships, we all have ideals and expectations, reality hits once you then find yourself in a relationship; you now have ‘real’ (sometimes) unappealing or unattractive things to deal with. i.e You fantasied that the person of your dreams would automatically know why you are upset and immediately know the right thing to say to make you feel better. Yet in reality that doesn’t happen, we work at getting to know people. Loving and respecting them enough to express that you are upset and why – no one is a mind reader!

Or, you fantasise about having a “nice guy”, someone that will treat you right, yet in reality, you can’t stand the fact they are “so nice” and think something is wrong with them, don’t feel they can be trusted or you walk all over them…?

Instead of having your ‘head in the clouds’ or fantasising about relationships, it would be in your best interest to turn that into meditating on the truth about about relationships. Truthful, realistic expectations on characteristics of a spouse and things that you may desire in life.

So its not bad to want/desire to be in a relationship. But what are you focusing on?
Are you daydreaming that the guy has to be “sexy” (..tall, dark and handsome etc) or are you meditating on how you desire for a prayerful man that serves God?
There’s a difference!

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty and goodness, But who can find a faithful and trustworthy man? – Prov 20v6

A few recommendations for getting yourself out of the enslaved feeling of daydreaming:

  • It might seem hard, but try and stop day dreaming about relationships. When you catch yourself daydreaming, seize the thought /dream and check it. See if it’s healthy or unhealthy by the standards that you understand God to place on relationships.
  • Read more books on relationships. You want to get yourself ready for the right mindset and replace the daydreams with meaningful meditations that you’ll now have from the book/s.
  • Talk/befriend those in relationships or married couples. To get a better picture on what expectations they had and how they overcame them.
  • Find a way to walk-in/develop/practice/find out/actualise your purpose. When you are occupied with Gods work /your passion, you’ll have less time to worry about relationships. Guys will see you in your element, see what an amazing worker you are and be attracted to the passion you show. It’ll also help identify similarities or an appreciation for what you do and who you are.

Mrs Vito

Start As You Mean To Go On

Even though January is almost over, we can still set the tone for your life this year (and hopefully the years to come).

blank list of resolutions on blackboard

However, this isn’t another New Years Resolution!.. Ooooh No… This is more like a commitment to Personal Development.

(Most) People have good intentions, vowing to become better by drawing up a list of activities to resolve i.e;

– I will quit smoking
– I will join a gym
– I will become a vegetarian
– I will quit my boring job
– I will pray more
– I will pay off my credit cards/debts

It all reminds me of those ‘quick fix’ diets… I have this image of someone scrambling around to list all the things they need to change, preferably really quickly, yet never really getting round to doing them or keeping to them… Or is that just my imagination?

Quick Fix:
~ A hastily contrived remedy that alleviates a problem only for the time being
~ An expedient temporary solution, esp. one that merely postpones coping with an overall problem. (thefreedictionary.com)

For example, those that aim to lose weight fast, might start dieting and give themselves a target to reach i.e in 2 weeks for a sunny holiday. Sometimes they reach the target, go on holiday, are extremely happy and upon returning the diets out the window, they resort to how things used to be.

So the diet ends up being a temporary vice. This might be a silly question, but I pose that instead of ‘quick fix dieting’ shouldn’t we just alter our eating habits, lifestyle, the way we view food, what we buy and increase our knowledge on what’s in the meal??

Wouldn’t this have a lasting effect on steady, healthy weight loss, which can be maintained for life?

Well, the same applies to you becoming a better person in regards to Self Improvement and Personal Development.

‘Start as you mean to go on’ is me basically daring you to do things differently this time round. Instead of ‘New Years Resolutions’ aim to Live a Purposeful Life of Personal Development.

4598018-you-body-mind-soul-spirit--personal-growth-or-development-concept-sketched-with-white-chalk-and-stic

Get organised and prepared by following the below Steps to help kick-start your Journey:

  1. Take time out to really assess what personal skills you need to develop, improve on, change  or issues you need to resolve.
  2. Look for Seminars, Events, Courses that you can attend to help re-educate yourself about the area/issue.
  3. Buy a book or two around that subject, area or issue. As learning is a lifelong process.
  4. Sign yourself up for Counselling to help deal with unresolved issues that will and can affect your future self.
  5. Look for a Mentor to help encourage your new skill, or help you on your journey.
  6. Make sure the friends you keep are there to help, encourage and keep you accountable on your personal development.
  7. Buy a notebook, I’m sure you’ll need to write something down.
  8. Let me know how you get on and /or contact me for any advice/support.

(Feel free to check out my ‘Mentoring Services’ Page)

xoxo

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Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

4 Things Attractive People Can Do Whilst They Wait for Love

single and waitingI have previously shared my thoughts on what to do when you’ve come out of a long term Relationship or have experienced a Break up. Generally I advise that you evaluate what happened and what went wrong, so that you can work on Developing yourself for the next Right Relationship.

Lets be real, after a Break-up, whilst your trying really hard to ‘Focus’ on you, embracing being single, re-educating yourself on expectations of Men, Women & Relationships. You WILL be approached by Interested parties, you WILL attract people, you may even be asked out….. Its inevitable, because you’re a beautiful, handsome, intelligent & loving person…. I could go on!

The Question is – How to do you handle this attention?… Especially if you’re not really ready to commit or you are being approached by the wrong people.

Well, I encourage you to read my Husbands post  –  4 Things Attractive People Can Do With Their Beauty.