Our First Fight

first fight in relationship

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months since a few days ago and we recently had our first relationship fight. It was concerning how every time we made plans together, it would never happen due to something always happening the day of or day before concerning him. The last time we saw each other has been a week ago, where we were supposed to have plans but he had to go home because he pulled an all nighter in addition to being sick. That made me angry and so I brought it up over text the next day wanting to talk about it. He ignored me that day, and then waited until the day after to reply back. Yes, yes, texting isn’t the best way to solving problems, but I couldn’t meet up with him as you know the fight is also about not being able to meet up with him when planned. After our fight, we resolved much of what we argued about. We told each other how we felt, and in the end how we would improve and such. I thought it wasn’t too bad of a conclusion. The day after, he was a bit cold, for example, instead of saying the usual “Morning Babe <3” it turned to a “Morning!” I know I shouldn’t expect things to smooth out so quickly and understood there was still some tension and awkwardness between us, so I let it go for a day. The next day turned out to be the same, and here I am today, 3 days later, and him still acting the same way. A bit cold, and a feeling of distance. I feel like I’m the one trying hard to keep being sweet and loving to him and keeping the convo going as well as I can, while he just answers and that’s all. He hasn’t even asked me how my day was the past days, or what I’ve done. Considering not having been able to see him for a week, should I ask him to hang out? I feel that hanging out again finally would help us move on and get back on the right road, a better one than now, but then again I feel that I should instead wait for him to ask me to hangout instead because I’ve asked him out many times, where he hasn’t actually been able to show up. I actually do want to see him as I miss not spending time with him. I wonder if he feels the same. Should I wait for him to ask me? Will this tension go away soon, as he might need more time to cool down? Or am I just being a total worry wart and just relax. How should I handle this coldness; approach him about it, or stop and ignore it?

The first thing that stands out to me is the lack of time or priority for spending time together; which seems to be more on his part.

In a relationship a basic need that’s required is Spending Quality Time together. If you are the only one that values this then may be you should consider finding someone else. It’s normal to want to spend time with him, its normal that you miss him but does he miss you?

Secondly texting really isn’t the best method of communicating. Texting leaves room for assuming, ignoring the other person, mis-interpreting key thoughts and feelings. My advice is that you get into the culture of calling each other, regardless of how you feel or what happened. This way you get a better idea of the persons tone, they then have the opportunity to explain properly.

However, from what you’re saying I see that there is;

1) No Integrity (i.e says he wants to meet up, but something else always gets in the way)

2) No Communication (there is now room for mis-understandings & assumptions)

3) No Clarity (you are having to second guess what’s going on & worry, when it could be resolved with him being honest with you)

His responses are clearly a sign that he isn’t happy with something or that he is not interested; if he is going to hold a grudge and not forgive, you’ll find yourself grovelling to him regularly. It isn’t fair for you to respond positively, showing that you’ve gotten over it yet he wants to act ‘cold’ towards someone he has claimed to care for.

You asked if you are being a ‘”worry wart”, I believe you are but that’s because he has given you reason to worry. I always say that…

“It’s not wrong for a Woman to want to feel Secure in a relationship. Your Man should make you feel Secure by Communicating his wants & needs, telling you how he feels about you, doing what he says & spending time with you. Most times a Woman acts ‘Needy’ because the Guy doesn’t Communicate with her, insists on going places with out her, keeps secrets and acts shady” – @LolasWord

You need to place a value on yourself. See yourself as an asset that he is lucky to have in his life. You need to ask yourself are you happy being treated this way? Is this how you treat people? Because that should be your measure, if you know that you want to be treated the same way you treat others then seek to find someone who has the same beliefs and values.

If he was concerned about you or cared for you, he would prioritise you, when men want something they pursue it, they go after it. So let him pursue you & go after you. Stop being so available for someone who clearly isn’t interested. Wait and let him make the first move to repair this & instigate if he wants to hang out with you. It’ll help you know whether he is actually committed to you or if this was all just a convenient relationship.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yarrd!!….

And then what?…

According to Kelis, “milkshake” in the song is used as a metaphor for “something that makes women special”…. others have said that the “milkshake” stands for the woman’s sex appeal; It means she attracts all the guys in the area just by appearing there.

What ever “Milkshake” means to you (in this example/context) please make sure you seek to analyse it, and question if its right or ok to use it in such a way.

For example; Is your “Milkshake” your looks, a specific body part/asset, your intelligence?!?! etc….

I see too many girls, ladies, females etc using their ‘beauty’ to attract, however they fail to keep the guys attention for long periods of time. I don’t know about you, but i feel like my eyes are being bombarded with girls, women who refuse to keep their body parts to themselves.

See through Leggings
Inappropriately See Through Leggings

From walking the streets and spotting under-dressed women, in see through leggings, overly revealing tops, ‘batty riders’ (with or with out Sun shine), to the likes of  Social Networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc) where girls insist on posting up pictures revealing way too much.

Rachet

Pictures say a thousand words, if you’re a single young female looking to at some point settle in to a committed loving relationship, what do you want your future partner to know about you? How do you want to be seen? Is this really ok? Why is it seemingly acceptable to upload a picture like the above and then write a caption like ‘I love God’. This doesn’t add up.

I’m all for women looking beautiful, but my issue is with the way women are lacking Decorum.

Decorum – appropriate behaviour, good manners, decency, demeanor, respectability, dignity, politeness…

Showing more flesh doesn’t mean you’re more beautiful, wearing minimal clothing doesn’t grant you more respect, revealing more body parts doesn’t get you Love, leaving the house in ill-fitting clothes doesn’t mean Men find you more attractive. In fact Men are forced to look by default, that’s just how they are wired.

I totally understand that you want to be noticed, seen, loved, adored, included etc but this is not the way forward.

What is wrong with looking Attractive in a  Respectable way?… Does it sound boring?… Well, it doesn’t need to be!

Classy

You say you want a Real Man to love you, value you, show you commitment, yet wonder why you are only attracting the  same ol’ Dawgs, Players & Boys?!

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain because it is not lasting.

Your natural beauty is what will attract The Right Man and/or Respectable Attention. If you are looking to attract the Right kind of Man then what you actually want to do is increase your Confidence, as that’s more attractive than cleavage. I know that I feel more attractive and confident wearing clothing that’s comfortable, that fits, that shows off my assets, not reveals my asset. If I’m wearing make up its to enhance my beauty, highlight my eyes, cheek bones etc not to totally appear as a different person or complexion.

Respectable Men are more attracted to you if you:

– Smile; a warm smile is very attractive, you look nicer when you smile.

– Are Genuinely Friendly and Humble

– Are Honest; being transparent is key, no game playing, be honest, tell the truth, you don’t need to lie it’s not worth it.

– Are Confident; get comfortable in your own skin, work with what God gave you. You were Fearfully & Wonderfully made.

– Are Knowledgeable; smart, well read etc. No one is asking for a genius, but at least be knowledgeable about the things you take interest in, your field of work etc. If you end up meeting someone who is in a similar field to you, your able to hold a conversation, you’ll have something in common & you’ll seem intelligent.

As my husband says you want a..

“Beauty that attracts, Love that keeps and Faith that Makes”. – @MrVitoSpeaks

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

Are all Men Dawgs?

I hear too many times Women complain about Men…..

‘All Men are Dawgs’… ‘All Men are Liars’… ‘All Men are Cheaters’… ‘All Men are the Same’…

In these instances this is coming from a place of hurt. There is no denying that in the past you may have been hurt by a guy, yes he may have lied, cheated, been abusive, etc and No you didn’t deserve it. But to generalise all Men as Liars, Cheaters & Dawgs  etc is not healthy.

I recommend dealing with the hurt that was caused, you need to acknowledge that who ever caused the hurt is not worth your time, love or thoughts. Name and shame the person, not publicly but privately sometimes we make excuses for the dumb stuff they did and never really deal with the raw fact that he was dishonest. We need to;

‘Stop Rewarding Bad Behaviour with Dedication’ – @MrVitoSpeaks

The sooner you start to deal with your past mistakes and clear out tainted views of ‘All Men’, the sooner you’ll be able to SEE yourself being approached by a Genuine, Honest and Faithful Man. You will not recognise Love that you have not prepared for.

Chivalry – Derived from the Medieval Times and linked to the customs of medieval knighthood; a Knight was expected to be courageous, generous and courteous.

holding-doors-510x800

However, fast forward 1500 years and Chivalry is seen as something that’s ‘Dead’ or that Men have ‘old fashioned’ views like;

1 – Holding the Door open

2 – Walking on the side of the pavement closest to the road

3 – Offering to help you carry your heavy load

4 –  Offering his jacket if its cold or raining

5 – Paying for the outing

Yet I hear you saying that these Men are Creepy, Strange, Controlling or only Want Something i.e my money or sex.

I’m not in-denial that there are some guys out their who make love a game, they know what to say & do it to get the girl to do something in return. I’m talking about the genuine guys who show and act out of love, kindness, who have self control and are gentle.

‘Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?’

Your desire should be to have a Faithful Man who isn’t shy to;

1 –  Honor his word and keep his promises

2 – Actually pay attention to you when you speak

3 – Is honest and doesn’t play Games with the heart of a Genuine woman

4 – Sticks up for you

5 – Is proud to present you to his friends and family.

Chivalry

Women primarily need Security in their relationships, so ideally your Boyfriend, Fiancé, Husband should be making you feel this.

Your past experiences may make it seem like meeting a Man that wants to Protect you, is Sensitive to your needs, is Faithful and has Integrity; is a bad thing.

That being said most women have been given the reputation of being ‘Nagging’, but as a good woman you are unlikely to “Nag”  if he meets the above requirements.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword