I Think He Is Ghosting Me?…

Dear Mrs Vito,

I work in the City and was bumping into a guy during my commutes, slowly our smiles turned into “Hellos” and
our “Hellos” turned into conversation, exchange in numbers and meet ups for drinks etc.

We get on so well, and I’ve been enjoying getting to know him.
But there are times when contact has been non existent. The 1st time it started to happen, it was only a few days with out contact, which I felt was normal, as we live busy lives. Then it was weeks with out contact and finally months.boyfriend is never around
When i’ve asked, he just says he has been busy, or he had to travel for work etc, but if he likes me why cant he just keep me posted? 

Dear Anon,

My general rule of thumb is that if someone is “ghosting” on you, they are not worth your time!

I believe that when he is around, he probably does like spending time with you. However that “Like” hasn’t caused him to respect your time, effort, or availability enough.

The act of “ghosting” on a person indicates that they are not that interested. What he is successfully doing is creating more confusion, by disappearing and then randomly appearing with no real justification; “busy” isn’t good enough, we are all busy, but you chose to make time. This behaviour is also quite controlling, because you are always waiting on him, there’s no equal footing in this dating-relationship.

Your over availability allows for him to come in and out of your life. He knows you are interested in him, because you are willing to entertain him even after his disappearing act. Set boundaries to safe guard your heart before you are too vested. You deserve more than the minimum he is offering, he should at least be trying to match your efforts with more consideration, quality time, care, respect, communication, trust, appreciation and friendship.

No one is saying that you can’t travel for work or personal reasons, but it is common courtesy to communicate your whereabouts with those that you love and care for. A basic act of respect by sending an e-mail, making a call or sending a text to state that you are out of town etc, is not too much to ask from anyone. But when someone thinks that they don’t have to, they won’t.

His “ghosting” sounds like its a habit, he may not be like this with everyone, but from what he is showing you, its unacceptable.
It wouldn’t be wise for you to accept such behaviour from him, because in the long run he could easily leave for longer and not think he needs to tell you where he is going or when he’ll be back. What you accept now, you will have to live with and will ultimately pay for later.

Mrs Vito

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My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yarrd!!….

And then what?…

According to Kelis, “milkshake” in the song is used as a metaphor for “something that makes women special”…. others have said that the “milkshake” stands for the woman’s sex appeal; It means she attracts all the guys in the area just by appearing there.

What ever “Milkshake” means to you (in this example/context) please make sure you seek to analyse it, and question if its right or ok to use it in such a way.

For example; Is your “Milkshake” your looks, a specific body part/asset, your intelligence?!?! etc….

I see too many girls, ladies, females etc using their ‘beauty’ to attract, however they fail to keep the guys attention for long periods of time. I don’t know about you, but i feel like my eyes are being bombarded with girls, women who refuse to keep their body parts to themselves.

See through Leggings
Inappropriately See Through Leggings

From walking the streets and spotting under-dressed women, in see through leggings, overly revealing tops, ‘batty riders’ (with or with out Sun shine), to the likes of  Social Networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc) where girls insist on posting up pictures revealing way too much.

Rachet

Pictures say a thousand words, if you’re a single young female looking to at some point settle in to a committed loving relationship, what do you want your future partner to know about you? How do you want to be seen? Is this really ok? Why is it seemingly acceptable to upload a picture like the above and then write a caption like ‘I love God’. This doesn’t add up.

I’m all for women looking beautiful, but my issue is with the way women are lacking Decorum.

Decorum – appropriate behaviour, good manners, decency, demeanor, respectability, dignity, politeness…

Showing more flesh doesn’t mean you’re more beautiful, wearing minimal clothing doesn’t grant you more respect, revealing more body parts doesn’t get you Love, leaving the house in ill-fitting clothes doesn’t mean Men find you more attractive. In fact Men are forced to look by default, that’s just how they are wired.

I totally understand that you want to be noticed, seen, loved, adored, included etc but this is not the way forward.

What is wrong with looking Attractive in a  Respectable way?… Does it sound boring?… Well, it doesn’t need to be!

Classy

You say you want a Real Man to love you, value you, show you commitment, yet wonder why you are only attracting the  same ol’ Dawgs, Players & Boys?!

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain because it is not lasting.

Your natural beauty is what will attract The Right Man and/or Respectable Attention. If you are looking to attract the Right kind of Man then what you actually want to do is increase your Confidence, as that’s more attractive than cleavage. I know that I feel more attractive and confident wearing clothing that’s comfortable, that fits, that shows off my assets, not reveals my asset. If I’m wearing make up its to enhance my beauty, highlight my eyes, cheek bones etc not to totally appear as a different person or complexion.

Respectable Men are more attracted to you if you:

– Smile; a warm smile is very attractive, you look nicer when you smile.

– Are Genuinely Friendly and Humble

– Are Honest; being transparent is key, no game playing, be honest, tell the truth, you don’t need to lie it’s not worth it.

– Are Confident; get comfortable in your own skin, work with what God gave you. You were Fearfully & Wonderfully made.

– Are Knowledgeable; smart, well read etc. No one is asking for a genius, but at least be knowledgeable about the things you take interest in, your field of work etc. If you end up meeting someone who is in a similar field to you, your able to hold a conversation, you’ll have something in common & you’ll seem intelligent.

As my husband says you want a..

“Beauty that attracts, Love that keeps and Faith that Makes”. – @MrVitoSpeaks

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

First Date Deal Breaker

date1

“You have an amazing evening with a handsome, intelligent man, the date goes really really well…and then at the END he invites you back to his place for sex. 1st date! Do you dismiss him ? Even though he apologizes and states that sex on the 1st date is what a lot of women do these days after an expensive night on the town, but he is GLAD that you’re different and wants to see you again????”

Regardless of how Handsome or Intelligent the Man is, an invitation for Sex on the First Date is way too far.

Caution: If Sex on the first date is what other girls offer, how many girls has he taken up on this offer?

Seeing this Man again will depend on what you place an importance on. What do you value most? Are you bothered by what you’ve just been asked? How much Respect do you place on your self / on your body? Does he have the right to sample something he hasn’t made a ring sacrifice for? – All I know is that I would be offended.

As a Virtuous Woman, who wants to be Loved by the Right Man if you know you deserve more and To be honest if he is ‘GLAD’ that you are different, then he will appreciate your decline and/or serious talking to.

If in fact you declined & explained that you were not interested and were put off by his request, would he be willing to still show interest in you and continue Courting you?

There’s no harm in continuing your dates, but only with clear guidelines that there will be no sex before marriage, you need to be realistic, consciously or unconsciously he has put a disclaimer out there ‘I’m interested in Sex’. Question is how many ‘Expensive’ dates will you take before you ‘give it up?’. To me it sounds as if He knows the right things to say.

Do not be enticed or seduced by money, flashy, shiny, expensive, designer things – you will find yourself enslaved to it!

Would it make a difference if I said Don’t fall in to that trap, start as you mean to go on & that’s with a Faithful, Confident, Loving and Respectful Man where you’re both aiming for a Monogamous Relationship.

Place a higher value on a persons Character, don’t get it twisted, every one has control over what they say & every one is aware of what they say. So for him to think a simple apology is good enough to pacify your concern is unacceptable. He knew what he was asking and decided to take a risk in asking it.

Guard your Heart!

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword