Enslaved to Daydreaming

Dear Mrs Vito,

What would you say to someone who feels enslaved to daydreaming and a desire to be in a relationship?

Daydreaming about Relationships

 

Dear Anon,

Daydreaming is a tool used by people to take themselves away from the “here & now”. When daydreaming  you tend to dream of ‘better days’ or desired/intended adventures and the like. Day dreams are usually fantasies, ideals and such, about your life and future. They can at times be unrealistic, which is why I believe you have to be very careful, especially if you feel enslaved by them.

Daydream – A series of pleasant thoughts that distract one’s attention from the present.

 ‘she was lost in a daydream’ – oxforddictionaries.com

When it comes to relationships, we all have ideals and expectations, reality hits once you then find yourself in a relationship; you now have ‘real’ (sometimes) unappealing or unattractive things to deal with. i.e You fantasied that the person of your dreams would automatically know why you are upset and immediately know the right thing to say to make you feel better. Yet in reality that doesn’t happen, we work at getting to know people. Loving and respecting them enough to express that you are upset and why – no one is a mind reader!

Or, you fantasise about having a “nice guy”, someone that will treat you right, yet in reality, you can’t stand the fact they are “so nice” and think something is wrong with them, don’t feel they can be trusted or you walk all over them…?

Instead of having your ‘head in the clouds’ or fantasising about relationships, it would be in your best interest to turn that into meditating on the truth about about relationships. Truthful, realistic expectations on characteristics of a spouse and things that you may desire in life.

So its not bad to want/desire to be in a relationship. But what are you focusing on?
Are you daydreaming that the guy has to be “sexy” (..tall, dark and handsome etc) or are you meditating on how you desire for a prayerful man that serves God?
There’s a difference!

Many a man proclaims his own loyalty and goodness, But who can find a faithful and trustworthy man? – Prov 20v6

A few recommendations for getting yourself out of the enslaved feeling of daydreaming:

  • It might seem hard, but try and stop day dreaming about relationships. When you catch yourself daydreaming, seize the thought /dream and check it. See if it’s healthy or unhealthy by the standards that you understand God to place on relationships.
  • Read more books on relationships. You want to get yourself ready for the right mindset and replace the daydreams with meaningful meditations that you’ll now have from the book/s.
  • Talk/befriend those in relationships or married couples. To get a better picture on what expectations they had and how they overcame them.
  • Find a way to walk-in/develop/practice/find out/actualise your purpose. When you are occupied with Gods work /your passion, you’ll have less time to worry about relationships. Guys will see you in your element, see what an amazing worker you are and be attracted to the passion you show. It’ll also help identify similarities or an appreciation for what you do and who you are.

Mrs Vito

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Start As You Mean To Go On

Even though January is almost over, we can still set the tone for your life this year (and hopefully the years to come).

blank list of resolutions on blackboard

However, this isn’t another New Years Resolution!.. Ooooh No… This is more like a commitment to Personal Development.

(Most) People have good intentions, vowing to become better by drawing up a list of activities to resolve i.e;

– I will quit smoking
– I will join a gym
– I will become a vegetarian
– I will quit my boring job
– I will pray more
– I will pay off my credit cards/debts

It all reminds me of those ‘quick fix’ diets… I have this image of someone scrambling around to list all the things they need to change, preferably really quickly, yet never really getting round to doing them or keeping to them… Or is that just my imagination?

Quick Fix:
~ A hastily contrived remedy that alleviates a problem only for the time being
~ An expedient temporary solution, esp. one that merely postpones coping with an overall problem. (thefreedictionary.com)

For example, those that aim to lose weight fast, might start dieting and give themselves a target to reach i.e in 2 weeks for a sunny holiday. Sometimes they reach the target, go on holiday, are extremely happy and upon returning the diets out the window, they resort to how things used to be.

So the diet ends up being a temporary vice. This might be a silly question, but I pose that instead of ‘quick fix dieting’ shouldn’t we just alter our eating habits, lifestyle, the way we view food, what we buy and increase our knowledge on what’s in the meal??

Wouldn’t this have a lasting effect on steady, healthy weight loss, which can be maintained for life?

Well, the same applies to you becoming a better person in regards to Self Improvement and Personal Development.

‘Start as you mean to go on’ is me basically daring you to do things differently this time round. Instead of ‘New Years Resolutions’ aim to Live a Purposeful Life of Personal Development.

4598018-you-body-mind-soul-spirit--personal-growth-or-development-concept-sketched-with-white-chalk-and-stic

Get organised and prepared by following the below Steps to help kick-start your Journey:

  1. Take time out to really assess what personal skills you need to develop, improve on, change  or issues you need to resolve.
  2. Look for Seminars, Events, Courses that you can attend to help re-educate yourself about the area/issue.
  3. Buy a book or two around that subject, area or issue. As learning is a lifelong process.
  4. Sign yourself up for Counselling to help deal with unresolved issues that will and can affect your future self.
  5. Look for a Mentor to help encourage your new skill, or help you on your journey.
  6. Make sure the friends you keep are there to help, encourage and keep you accountable on your personal development.
  7. Buy a notebook, I’m sure you’ll need to write something down.
  8. Let me know how you get on and /or contact me for any advice/support.

(Feel free to check out my ‘Mentoring Services’ Page)

xoxo

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For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yarrd!!….

And then what?…

According to Kelis, “milkshake” in the song is used as a metaphor for “something that makes women special”…. others have said that the “milkshake” stands for the woman’s sex appeal; It means she attracts all the guys in the area just by appearing there.

What ever “Milkshake” means to you (in this example/context) please make sure you seek to analyse it, and question if its right or ok to use it in such a way.

For example; Is your “Milkshake” your looks, a specific body part/asset, your intelligence?!?! etc….

I see too many girls, ladies, females etc using their ‘beauty’ to attract, however they fail to keep the guys attention for long periods of time. I don’t know about you, but i feel like my eyes are being bombarded with girls, women who refuse to keep their body parts to themselves.

See through Leggings
Inappropriately See Through Leggings

From walking the streets and spotting under-dressed women, in see through leggings, overly revealing tops, ‘batty riders’ (with or with out Sun shine), to the likes of  Social Networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc) where girls insist on posting up pictures revealing way too much.

Rachet

Pictures say a thousand words, if you’re a single young female looking to at some point settle in to a committed loving relationship, what do you want your future partner to know about you? How do you want to be seen? Is this really ok? Why is it seemingly acceptable to upload a picture like the above and then write a caption like ‘I love God’. This doesn’t add up.

I’m all for women looking beautiful, but my issue is with the way women are lacking Decorum.

Decorum – appropriate behaviour, good manners, decency, demeanor, respectability, dignity, politeness…

Showing more flesh doesn’t mean you’re more beautiful, wearing minimal clothing doesn’t grant you more respect, revealing more body parts doesn’t get you Love, leaving the house in ill-fitting clothes doesn’t mean Men find you more attractive. In fact Men are forced to look by default, that’s just how they are wired.

I totally understand that you want to be noticed, seen, loved, adored, included etc but this is not the way forward.

What is wrong with looking Attractive in a  Respectable way?… Does it sound boring?… Well, it doesn’t need to be!

Classy

You say you want a Real Man to love you, value you, show you commitment, yet wonder why you are only attracting the  same ol’ Dawgs, Players & Boys?!

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain because it is not lasting.

Your natural beauty is what will attract The Right Man and/or Respectable Attention. If you are looking to attract the Right kind of Man then what you actually want to do is increase your Confidence, as that’s more attractive than cleavage. I know that I feel more attractive and confident wearing clothing that’s comfortable, that fits, that shows off my assets, not reveals my asset. If I’m wearing make up its to enhance my beauty, highlight my eyes, cheek bones etc not to totally appear as a different person or complexion.

Respectable Men are more attracted to you if you:

– Smile; a warm smile is very attractive, you look nicer when you smile.

– Are Genuinely Friendly and Humble

– Are Honest; being transparent is key, no game playing, be honest, tell the truth, you don’t need to lie it’s not worth it.

– Are Confident; get comfortable in your own skin, work with what God gave you. You were Fearfully & Wonderfully made.

– Are Knowledgeable; smart, well read etc. No one is asking for a genius, but at least be knowledgeable about the things you take interest in, your field of work etc. If you end up meeting someone who is in a similar field to you, your able to hold a conversation, you’ll have something in common & you’ll seem intelligent.

As my husband says you want a..

“Beauty that attracts, Love that keeps and Faith that Makes”. – @MrVitoSpeaks

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword