He Won’t Wear Protection

Dear Mrs Vito,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and despite my love for him I’m worried about us. I’m a Christian and believe in no sex before marriage, however we’ve found ourselves not keeping this principle.
From the beginning I’ve told him what I wanted and even suggested he go to the Clinic, but he always makes excuses. He also doesn’t like wearing protection and I don’t feel listened to.

Dear Anon,

We all need to be accountable for our own actions and take responsibility for what we do or don’t do. You need to work on your self confidence and self esteem, because no one should make/force you to do things you do not want to do. Yet your desires not being respected is a red flag. What stands out to me is that you have certain beliefs and morals around sex, which I presume you wanted to uphold and unfortunately, for whatever reason they were compromised. I understand that “things can happen” in the heat of a moment, yet, we do not have to allow such mistakes to become our new principle. You really put yourself at risk of STIs, HIV & Pregnancy (to name a few).

What doesn’t help is that your boyfriend doesn’t seem to value your views nor does he sound like he is upholding your wishes. If this is something that is important to you, you need to stand up for yourself. Making a suggestion that he gets tested, only to have him regularly give excuses, is unacceptable.

In the June 2015 Heath Protection Report, it states that:

  • In 2014, there were approximately 440,000 diagnoses of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) made in England
  • The impact of STIs remains greatest in young heterosexuals under the age of 25 years

When two adults consent to enter a relationship, they really need to take the appropriate time out to learn about each other. Not just the usual likes & dislikes, but your faith beliefs, morals, family background, goals, views on male/female roles etc.

I suggest talking to him about how you feel, and how having sex before marriage, let alone unprotected is not something you want. A healthy relationship needs Love, Respect, Honesty, Trust, Active Listening & Communication to say the least. Are you getting this?

If you believe that God designed sex for marriage (1 Corinthians 7 v 2 / Hebrews 13 v 4) and you both don’t agree on this, is it a deal breaker for you?

Ask yourself (& each other); Is this relationship honouring God? Are you both willing to abstain and put boundaries in place? Does he bring out the best in you? Is he willing to Love you in the right way? (1 Corinthians 13 4- 8) Are you honestly happy with how things are going?

Mrs Vito

…You Don’t Love Me Part 2 “I’ll do anything you say boy”

Following on from my post – ‘No no no You Don’t Love Me’, we continue to compare the song by Dawn Penn to real life.

*NB: The below comparison is based on the premise that one person in the relationship has done something wrong whilst the other person has been ‘good’ to them.

Manipulation.

2) “I’ll do anything you say boy” (Some lyric sites say – “I’ll do anything to stay boy”)

OK, so I don’t know what the “boy” has done to get her to the realisation that he doesn’t love her any more (he could have cheated or he could have just told her that he doesn’t love her? – The possibilities are endless).

In my opinion, if I now realise that someone doesn’t love me any more despite my efforts, love & time. I don’t really want to stick around. I also wouldn’t really want to do “anything you say”, why should I?… You don’t love me any more!

If as a result of my inappropriate behaviour, actions, disrespect, constant name calling, foul mouth, inappropriate dress, poor attitude etc someone stopped loving me, then I’d understand. As they have reached a tether, the patience has worn out and the ‘love is gone’, so it would make more sense in such situation, if I were to say “I’ll do anything you say”.

However I still don’t condone it, because change starts from within & if some one really wanted to change they would have. You can’t make someone else change.

My husband always says “Don’t reward bad behaviour with Dedication”

And its True.

They say that there are tell-tale signs when a relationship is over. Some signs may have been there from the start, but if due to ‘Rose Tinted Glasses’ or being on ‘Cloud 9’, you didn’t see them (aka tell-tale signs); they can look something like this:

  • A decrease in or non-existent communication
  • A decrease in or no time spent together
  • Lack of interest in the other person, decrease in closeness
  • Continuous arguments with no aim for a solution
  • No commitment made to current or future plans together
  • Unfaithfulness; emotionally, physically, getting intimate with other girls/guys
  • Being left out of their plans.. “We becomes I”
  • Increase in Disrespect displayed
  • Only time spent together is to be intimate or there is no intimacy

In many situations I’ve seen people giving all their might to make an unhealthy relationship work, when they should be working on leaving. Yet the reality is that there are several reasons why some don’t (immediately) leave an unhealthy relationship, including (not limited to):

  • Low self-esteem & low confidence
  • Love; believing the other person may change
  • Thinking you’ll never meet any one better
  • Fear
  • Pressure; Peers, Family, Children
  • Dependency on that person for; money, shelter, etc
  • Experience; being only exposed to this type of relationship, this is all you know
  • Up-bringing, it’s how you saw relationships modelled in your family
  • Seeing this as normality

Whatever situation you currently find yourself in, make sure you are genuinely happy, are there by choice and are being treated well!

xoxo

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Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

No no no You Don’t Love Me

You may or may not know that Dawn Penn (a Jamaican reggae singer) sang the once popular song – “You Don’t Love Me (No, No, No)” (1994)

Every time I sing this song, despite being catchy, the words stand out to me.

That’s because I’m a literal thinker and I find fault in the lyrics.

I’m going to dissect this song in 3 posts; comparing it to real life and I’m sure some of you will directly or indirectly identify with the points we are about to explore.

However, what you do with this awareness is important.

*NB: The below comparison is based on the premise that one person in the relationship has done something wrong whilst the other person has been ‘good’ to them.

You dont love me

1) “No no no, You don’t Love me and I Know Now”

Many times I’ve heard some one say, “He/She doesn’t love me any more”… or “I don’t think he/she loved me from the start”.

In reply I’ve heard people say “He/She is just not in to you”. – This could be true..

The song says “you don’t love me AND I KNOW NOW” – As soon as you know someone doesn’t love you any more, something is supposed to; happen, change, react or evolve within you or around you. News like this would provoke some sort of reaction or response from you; i.e feel upset, hurt, unhappy, wanting to let go of things with that person, moving out, changing your perception and the like.

But time and time again, they find themselves in the same ol’ situation, nothing changes, no improvement made, no new declarations of ones undying love to make them stay. Yet the girl or guy still remains in the unhealthy relationship.

I call it unhealthy relationship because if you were in a healthy relationship, shouldn’t you both experience Love, Commitment, Faithfulness, Time, Effort, Companionship, Dedication, Trust & Respect that you rightly deserve?

What do you think you deserve?

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments.

For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword