She’s Changed

Transitioning and navigating from single-hood to a relationship, especially when you know it’s a serious relationship can be hard.
Ideally at this time you want your friends and family to get on with your chosen guy/girl. But what if they don’t?

I personally picked a guy that truly challenged my perceptions, norms and comfort zone. In my opinion to an extreme, except he wasn’t an extremist. Because, if I’m harsh with myself  I was ok with playing it safe.

Of course I had goals, ambitions and was driven. Yet not being a huge risk taker meant I often stayed within my comfort zone.

Never one to start a fight, or unsettle a situation. He definitely instilled more confidence in me to stand up for myself, voice my opinion and make a change.

From the outside this can easily be viewed as someone changing, or that they are not being themselves. But what if it was always in them? Just that no one had taken the time to empower, encourage, affirm or build them?

It’s great when people generally support, challenge and typically want the best for each other, lifting each other to higher standards.

We are called “not to conform to the world” but to be “transformed by the renewing of our minds”, my then boyfriend and now husband was certainly trying to get me to challenge my understanding of conforming and renewing. Our conversations were geared towards uprooting negative thought patterns and in their place planting God’s word. Provoking growth in me, personal development and encouraging my relationship with God. Yet it worked both ways, I too was challenging his perspectives, advising him on how to be a better person, seeing the greatness in him and encouraging it.

Sometimes going through such a process may be uncomfortable, you may lose and gain friends. But know that walking, thinking and actualising God’s plan for your life may go against the grain, of everything you think you’ve always known.

And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]” Romans 12 v 2 Amplified Bible (AMP)


Dear Sisters,

I hope my message finds you well.

I write with urgency because I care, this is written out of Truth with Love.

I’ve observed you and It’s important that we address a few things; i.e. your behaviour, attitude and conduct, frankly I’m worried about you.

Remember when we used to sit and talk about how our future would be? Remember when we would look at rowdy, foul-mouthed girls and squirm in disapproval, not because we were judging, but because we knew that it wasn’t the life we wanted. Remember when we would be approached by boys yet we were genuinely not interested, because we didn’t want to end up with diseases, broken hearts or farther-less children?

What happened?……You’ve changed.

This isn’t how things were supposed to plan out. You are better than this and I need you to believe that. This way of life is not satisfying, neither will it lead to happiness.

Things need to change for the better and I want to help. I hope you will be able to see that, a true friend will risk everything to try to help you, be honest with you and speak the Truth to you, regardless of the consequences, you just need to be strong enough to look past the immediate discomfort and see the Love.

I want you to see yourself as a Precious, Expensive Diamond. Diamonds are beautiful and highly sought after, they should be protected, kept safe and are very expensive. So why do you act like coal?

I want you to know that as a Woman, your sole purpose was not to lie on your back, produce babies, please others or be used. I want you to know that I’m not denying that you need to be Loved, but you insist on demanding Respect.

My Husband always says “Women Need Love and Men Need Respect”

I want you to know that society nor the media make things easy for us, we have to work harder at times, but nothing in life comes easy.

So Stop what you’re doing, take a step back and Look at your Life. Are you truly happy with how things have turned out? Do you want to see a change?

Because I Know you deserve so much more, but it starts with You!

Firstly you need to be realistic with yourself and start thinking of all the things you used to enjoy that were killing your body, hopes and dreams. Then forgive yourself for your mistakes, circumstances and the experiences you put yourself through. Because lets face it, we can’t continue to blame everyone else for some of the things we got caught up in. Obviously there are some exceptions i.e abuse, but healing comes from dealing with and not denying things.

Secondly, You need to value yourself, even if no one else does right now. Once you start placing a value on yourself & start to see yourself as an Expensive, Beautiful Diamond you will act differently. Just think about how Expensive Jewellery Shops treat Diamonds… Most times they have security within the shop, not any one can come into the shop and touch up what they like, you need permission to be assisted to look at & handle a Diamond.

Think of yourself in the same way, stop allowing any Tom, Dick or Harry into your Shop, Stop allowing any Tom, Dick or Harry to mis-handle your Diamond, Stop loaning out your Diamond and Stop giving out the password to your Diamond. Value, Worth, Price.. You need to start believing that you are worth more, that you can do something with your life, that you have great skills, talents and abilities that any one would be proud to have you in their life, because you contribute so much more.

Today I want you to start listing all of your Character Traits (ask others what they think of you), then list them into Positive & Negative Attributes. Then focus on all the Positive ones, as those are the ones you want people to notice & those are the ones that will help change your perspective on things. You deserve the best, but you also need to be the best!

You may need to change your group of friends… they say “birds of a feather flock together”, so what good is this New You, this Changed Perspective, if you are always being tempted by the Old way of life? If your fiends laugh at your change, don’t take you seriously & don’t try to encourage it? – You will get no where fast!

With these Steps (which may need to be reinforced several times, as nothing happens over night), you will notice a change in Attitude, you will feel different, speak differently, even your taste in Men will change, you won’t find the same ol’ ‘Dawgs’ attractive. With this change comes a new appreciation for yourself.

Hold yourself accountable for your own expectations @Lolasword

I’m always here to help and would like for you to keep me posted on your growth, so feel free to contact me.


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Love & Blessings