Did She Find Someone Else?

Dear Mrs Vito,

I fell in love with my close female friend of many years. We decided to maintain a long distant relationship, when we went to different Universities in different countries. However now that I’ve graduated and shes still studying, contact is non existent. If we do communicate, mainly initiated by me, she shuts me out, i feel like shes now interested in someone else. 

 

Found Someone Else

Dear Anon,

For a couple that was in love, having non existent communication is a red flag of concern. Usually we find that our instincts are right.

Long distance relationships always need more effort in quality time, communication & care expressed. Unfortunately, distance wasn’t the only factor working against your relationship. University and the exploring of new experiences, activities, friends as well as studies, always effects relationships (positively & negatively). Its one thing to try and stay focused on your degree, but add an active social life and now we’ve got to make sacrifices.

Ideally, the love /care/concern that she is supposed to have for you, should reflect in her actions. A simple text/ quick call to check in on friends, family, people you care about is not that difficult & is easy to do, if that person wants to.

You’ve been doing the right thing, at least you have tried to keep in contact and made yourself available for communication, unfortunately you can not force someone else to do the same.

You may have to accept that she may have found someone else or is no longer interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Either way, it would be unfair to ask or expect you to put your plans on hold for no guarantees. Be careful to not chase someone that doesn’t want to be chased, nor prioritises you in the same way.

Mrs Vito

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Our First Fight

first fight in relationship

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months since a few days ago and we recently had our first relationship fight. It was concerning how every time we made plans together, it would never happen due to something always happening the day of or day before concerning him. The last time we saw each other has been a week ago, where we were supposed to have plans but he had to go home because he pulled an all nighter in addition to being sick. That made me angry and so I brought it up over text the next day wanting to talk about it. He ignored me that day, and then waited until the day after to reply back. Yes, yes, texting isn’t the best way to solving problems, but I couldn’t meet up with him as you know the fight is also about not being able to meet up with him when planned. After our fight, we resolved much of what we argued about. We told each other how we felt, and in the end how we would improve and such. I thought it wasn’t too bad of a conclusion. The day after, he was a bit cold, for example, instead of saying the usual “Morning Babe <3” it turned to a “Morning!” I know I shouldn’t expect things to smooth out so quickly and understood there was still some tension and awkwardness between us, so I let it go for a day. The next day turned out to be the same, and here I am today, 3 days later, and him still acting the same way. A bit cold, and a feeling of distance. I feel like I’m the one trying hard to keep being sweet and loving to him and keeping the convo going as well as I can, while he just answers and that’s all. He hasn’t even asked me how my day was the past days, or what I’ve done. Considering not having been able to see him for a week, should I ask him to hang out? I feel that hanging out again finally would help us move on and get back on the right road, a better one than now, but then again I feel that I should instead wait for him to ask me to hangout instead because I’ve asked him out many times, where he hasn’t actually been able to show up. I actually do want to see him as I miss not spending time with him. I wonder if he feels the same. Should I wait for him to ask me? Will this tension go away soon, as he might need more time to cool down? Or am I just being a total worry wart and just relax. How should I handle this coldness; approach him about it, or stop and ignore it?

The first thing that stands out to me is the lack of time or priority for spending time together; which seems to be more on his part.

In a relationship a basic need that’s required is Spending Quality Time together. If you are the only one that values this then may be you should consider finding someone else. It’s normal to want to spend time with him, its normal that you miss him but does he miss you?

Secondly texting really isn’t the best method of communicating. Texting leaves room for assuming, ignoring the other person, mis-interpreting key thoughts and feelings. My advice is that you get into the culture of calling each other, regardless of how you feel or what happened. This way you get a better idea of the persons tone, they then have the opportunity to explain properly.

However, from what you’re saying I see that there is;

1) No Integrity (i.e says he wants to meet up, but something else always gets in the way)

2) No Communication (there is now room for mis-understandings & assumptions)

3) No Clarity (you are having to second guess what’s going on & worry, when it could be resolved with him being honest with you)

His responses are clearly a sign that he isn’t happy with something or that he is not interested; if he is going to hold a grudge and not forgive, you’ll find yourself grovelling to him regularly. It isn’t fair for you to respond positively, showing that you’ve gotten over it yet he wants to act ‘cold’ towards someone he has claimed to care for.

You asked if you are being a ‘”worry wart”, I believe you are but that’s because he has given you reason to worry. I always say that…

“It’s not wrong for a Woman to want to feel Secure in a relationship. Your Man should make you feel Secure by Communicating his wants & needs, telling you how he feels about you, doing what he says & spending time with you. Most times a Woman acts ‘Needy’ because the Guy doesn’t Communicate with her, insists on going places with out her, keeps secrets and acts shady” – @LolasWord

You need to place a value on yourself. See yourself as an asset that he is lucky to have in his life. You need to ask yourself are you happy being treated this way? Is this how you treat people? Because that should be your measure, if you know that you want to be treated the same way you treat others then seek to find someone who has the same beliefs and values.

If he was concerned about you or cared for you, he would prioritise you, when men want something they pursue it, they go after it. So let him pursue you & go after you. Stop being so available for someone who clearly isn’t interested. Wait and let him make the first move to repair this & instigate if he wants to hang out with you. It’ll help you know whether he is actually committed to you or if this was all just a convenient relationship.

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yarrd!!….

And then what?…

According to Kelis, “milkshake” in the song is used as a metaphor for “something that makes women special”…. others have said that the “milkshake” stands for the woman’s sex appeal; It means she attracts all the guys in the area just by appearing there.

What ever “Milkshake” means to you (in this example/context) please make sure you seek to analyse it, and question if its right or ok to use it in such a way.

For example; Is your “Milkshake” your looks, a specific body part/asset, your intelligence?!?! etc….

I see too many girls, ladies, females etc using their ‘beauty’ to attract, however they fail to keep the guys attention for long periods of time. I don’t know about you, but i feel like my eyes are being bombarded with girls, women who refuse to keep their body parts to themselves.

See through Leggings
Inappropriately See Through Leggings

From walking the streets and spotting under-dressed women, in see through leggings, overly revealing tops, ‘batty riders’ (with or with out Sun shine), to the likes of  Social Networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc) where girls insist on posting up pictures revealing way too much.

Rachet

Pictures say a thousand words, if you’re a single young female looking to at some point settle in to a committed loving relationship, what do you want your future partner to know about you? How do you want to be seen? Is this really ok? Why is it seemingly acceptable to upload a picture like the above and then write a caption like ‘I love God’. This doesn’t add up.

I’m all for women looking beautiful, but my issue is with the way women are lacking Decorum.

Decorum – appropriate behaviour, good manners, decency, demeanor, respectability, dignity, politeness…

Showing more flesh doesn’t mean you’re more beautiful, wearing minimal clothing doesn’t grant you more respect, revealing more body parts doesn’t get you Love, leaving the house in ill-fitting clothes doesn’t mean Men find you more attractive. In fact Men are forced to look by default, that’s just how they are wired.

I totally understand that you want to be noticed, seen, loved, adored, included etc but this is not the way forward.

What is wrong with looking Attractive in a  Respectable way?… Does it sound boring?… Well, it doesn’t need to be!

Classy

You say you want a Real Man to love you, value you, show you commitment, yet wonder why you are only attracting the  same ol’ Dawgs, Players & Boys?!

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain because it is not lasting.

Your natural beauty is what will attract The Right Man and/or Respectable Attention. If you are looking to attract the Right kind of Man then what you actually want to do is increase your Confidence, as that’s more attractive than cleavage. I know that I feel more attractive and confident wearing clothing that’s comfortable, that fits, that shows off my assets, not reveals my asset. If I’m wearing make up its to enhance my beauty, highlight my eyes, cheek bones etc not to totally appear as a different person or complexion.

Respectable Men are more attracted to you if you:

– Smile; a warm smile is very attractive, you look nicer when you smile.

– Are Genuinely Friendly and Humble

– Are Honest; being transparent is key, no game playing, be honest, tell the truth, you don’t need to lie it’s not worth it.

– Are Confident; get comfortable in your own skin, work with what God gave you. You were Fearfully & Wonderfully made.

– Are Knowledgeable; smart, well read etc. No one is asking for a genius, but at least be knowledgeable about the things you take interest in, your field of work etc. If you end up meeting someone who is in a similar field to you, your able to hold a conversation, you’ll have something in common & you’ll seem intelligent.

As my husband says you want a..

“Beauty that attracts, Love that keeps and Faith that Makes”. – @MrVitoSpeaks

xoxo

Please feel free to subscribe and leave your comments. For Learning Engagements, Problems & Personal Development Enquiries send your emails to; Info.fybconnection@gmail.com

Love & Blessings

@Lolasword